the battle

just came back from yc and of course i learnt so many lessons. i want to remember them and i already set up my goals in a list in my head. so i’m going to write them now, for real!
this year’s conference theme was FREED. initial thoughts about it was okay good, i really need a strong wake up call like a 5 day camp to give me tips on how to be freed from my sins. after the conference i realised it was much more than that. yc started off very demoralisingly. i realised that i was spiritually blind, and i realised that i was suffering from certain sins that i didn’t even know of! so of course i was scared and i prayed that God would open my eyes. i needed to be an overcomer of my sins. an overcomer takes the worst of life’s testings and is still not defeated. who wouldn’t want to be an overcomer? i’m sick of my sins.
to be freed of this bondage that sin has bound me to, to be able to break the cord that is preventing me from running back to Christ, I need to identify my sins. it’s in my notebook, they’re kinda personal. [but someday i hope to be able to testify that i have overcome them]
then i need to stop focusing on them. i need to focus on the Lordship of God, and the abundant life He has prepared for me. Christ meant me to live a life that is a light, where I can be protected, be fruitful in good works and deeds, and have a special sense of joy in my heart despite bad happenings. why do i want to waste my life away by continuing in my sins? I don’t want to be a slave to satan. i want to abide in God.
starting now every day, i am going to read the bible and write down a lesson that i am going to hold dear to me the whole day. hopefully as this becomes a part of my life, i will learn more and more about the image of God, and what it means to follow in the example of Jesus. my goal for 2010 is to be able to abide in God’s word, and apply it in my life. a practical way would be to memorise verses from the bible, which will help me in making decisions, dealing with sin problems and having joy and strength each day. i want to be a part of God’s army, to fight as a warrior against the evil one, who constantly makes us feel afraid of dying. i want to pick up the armour of God and confront the enemy. to do this i have to be familiar with the bible, and to know God’s plan for me.
today i completed a battle plan and it will be on my mirror in my room which was old but now is new!

I JSUT REALISED I WAS BEING VERY EMO ON MY BLOG OR MY BLOG LOOKS EMO

i am going to CHANGE it
for fun

2010 will be ze happy year
2010 is ze yellow year

yellowyellowdirtyfellow

friend or foe

when God says He will provide, He will. and when God says He will answer prayer, He will.

and He has answered all my prayers, and cleared all my confusion.

and why is it that i always forget that i can turn to Him when i have no one?
it’s just the annoying presence of man that strays me away, sometimes. and sometimes it’s their looming existence that draws me back.

and that’s truly special.

muse-ician

i still can’t strum a guitar, how is it that most good guitarists are guys and girls just know how to make sound with a guitar, when guys actually can produce fantastic noise?
seriously, i really really wanna learn how to play extremely fast! all those riffs and guitar solos and i wanna rock it,
but i cant. ):
i’m just trying so pathetically hard to be good at something i’m not. hahaw.

but still, maybe playing on an electric might be easier. fat hope i’m gonna get one for christmas.

all i want for christmas is to grow up and get the muse concert tickettttt

sigh, i need a job, or just to be lucky enough to win a free ticket. just wondering anyway, if going to the concert will actually change my life. it might make me more jealous of muse. tch.

i borrowed new books from the library, and i stepped into the adult section with caution. was afraid i’d pull out a mature content book.
yeah, try “what kids think about the world”. it was a pretty interesting picture book about what kids think about the world, and it was highly innocent and flowery. but i liked it anyway.
i took home a book on philosophy, genocide & the third reich, a zit comic treasury [yay] and teenvogue with vanessa hudgens on the cover.

read everything already except for the genocide one. yippee.
reading teen vogue is something very demoralizing for the average teenager. reason obvious enough.
philosophers are weird and smart, and sometimes dangerously annoying. [that's all i learnt from 500 pages]
zits are probably the best comics in the world. i love jeremy duncan, he’s funny.

whoa, never thought i’d like a cartoon character. my real-life choices must be limited.

zibbra preens

hooray bible study with pastor mitch was really nice, 5 people attended but still, it was great.
it’s the holidays, and it has been raining everyday. was thinking of making some t-shirts for my friends for christmas. gotta pop by a cheap tee store. any ideas?
well anyway, i was just thinking, because i was bored, about bikinis.
not that i’m slim enough to wear one anyway, but i was just imagining myself in one, and it was not a pretty sight. considering my whiteness, ugh.

so, maybe i’ll just stick to, say, what sport do i do again? definitely not a ‘fun in the sun’ one.

but i’ve been pounding up hills lately, the tellytubby ones outside my house.

by the way, i can’t wait to move back to my old house. still miss my old room. was thinking of converting the loft to a hibernation cove, and the basement a study/slack area. basically, my whole room is my nest.

and you know, i kinda miss all my friends now. i miss school.
i can’t believe i’m actually suffering from academic withdrawal.

I’M SO DEPRIVED

tulle

to Rachael: I’m going to edit the second mannequin, and make headdresses with wire if I have the time! Hope the skirt’s coming along well. I can’t wait.

stizits mushrooms

strong violent protests in a series of ramblings just prove to be meaningless if the listener doesn’t listen and the talker doesn’t talk.
should we go jamming when the streets are all clogged
maybe we all should scoff a little ice cream
maybe we all should just stop

trip over a few grey pebbles on a smooth marble pavement
spot a pothole and jump into it
wade through the cesspool and perhaps discover
some jewellery, some jewellery

burp

skipping is a good calorie burner, really ups the heart rate like mad. time to pick it up again. did 5 sets of 100 skips, was exhausted after the 4th, but carried on to the last grueling set. turned out to be immensely fruitful, nearly 300 calories gone in a matter of <30 mins.
i feel very healthy now!

just got a box of honey bunches of oats. heard from ms jacqui that they were SUUUUPER yummy.
turns out quite the opposite. freeze dried strawberries were ULTRA sour, got stuck in the teeth. honey bunches were tasty but tiny and few. i think i picked out all the honey bunches of oats in the pack. the rest of the healthy rabbit morsels were a bland blend of sugar sparkle flakes [sounds good but frosty flakes are better], wheat flakes and plain corn flakes. when immersed in milk they immediately became soft and did not retain its crisp texture. i know most cornflakes are not supposed to do that, but the milk tasted weird with it.
overall, i rate it 2 stars. packaging is ugly too.

honey graham ohs still beats all.

by the way, anyone heard of wholegrain fish rice,
you know, like to replace unhealthy chicken rice?

crunching

you will not believe this

zero potential attendees my foot

how about 3 confirmed attendees for starters
\m/

stopchack

the last day of school proved itself to be an interesting one. i feel like describing it even though it’s indescribable. kind of. it’s more like the feeling that leaves me speechless. not full-of-awe speechless, but more like the i-dont-know-what-to-say speechless.
i have to admit it started off unexpected, and primarily negative.
just to be frank.
things started to veer off in the positive direction until i got into the car.
went home.
and started crying about how bad my life was.
and i yelled at my dad. who didn’t deserve to be yelled at at all.
i hate his job.

and i thought i hated myself. well, everyone should be hating themselves because we are all blatantly living our lives in horrible, terrible ways.
and we don’t seem to notice.

to get my life back on track, i told lee fang no, i’m not going for your halloween party, because i’m going to church.
to get my life in check. didn’t tell her the latter part. she would raise an eyebrow.
but anyway, going to ypg proved to be the better option. i’m starting to see my life in a different light now that every time i go to church, i never regret missing outings with friends or catching up on sleep or whatever lazy reasons i have for myself.

so holy jane lang or not, i will continue going to church.
because on saturday, i learnt this important lesson that was not only vitally apt, it was distinctly significant and impacting.

pastor mitch talked about how we have different perspectives in life. and i’m gonna type out all that i wrote down from the session because i know my notebook might get burnt if my house burns down or something.
so how do we come up with a good perspective? how do we ascertain a perspective? how can i look at life the right way?

very simple: 1. involve the word of God. because a good perspective is always biblical. rather, a biblical perspective is always right.

so yes it was a decision that i made not to celebrate halloween. it was a decision pointed in the right direction because as christians it would be wrong to dabble in things that concern spirits and stuff like cults and all. yeah maybe the celebration of halloween did not reveal itself to be that of a religious gathering, but i’d rather not even try to bother about these things that do not concern the word of God, which to me, is pure and true.
and good.

2. involve the will of God.
in making decisions, i should be considering and catering to the will of God. i should always use the bible as a reference to draw parallels to when making a decision.

3. consider the Lordship of God
because He is sovereign over all things and He is priority. thus i have to choose church over friends and stuff like that.

4. discern right from wrong
which ties back to making decisions God’s way

5. know that God made us all different, and life is unfair. but in this, we have to take comfort in God having a destiny for all His people. we are all created for His glory and a special purpose.
this is very comforting because i often lament to my mother that she gave birth to me for nothing, because i’m not really doing anything edifying with my life at all. even by studying hard, i’m just benefiting myself. not really anybody else. and who do i work hard for anyway.
so now i know that God gave me something that i have to use and work hard towards. He has a plan for me that i do not know but i know that there’s something that will pave my path of life in the right direction.
on the topic of God making us all different, and life is unfair, there are people in the world who are just plain smart or mighty strong, and we might say why doesn’t God make us like them?
but in 1 Corinthians it says “For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God. 19 For it is written:

“ I will destroy the wisdom of the wise,
And bring to nothing the understanding of the prudent.”[a]

20 Where is the wise? Where is the scribe? Where is the disputer of this age? Has not God made foolish the wisdom of this world? 21 For since, in the wisdom of God, the world through wisdom did not know God, it pleased God through the foolishness of the message preached to save those who believe. 22 For Jews request a sign, and Greeks seek after wisdom; 23 but we preach Christ crucified, to the Jews a stumbling block and to the Greeks[b] foolishness, 24 but to those who are called, both Jews and Greeks, Christ the power of God and the wisdom of God. 25 Because the foolishness of God is wiser than men, and the weakness of God is stronger than men.
Glory Only in the Lord. 26 For you see your calling, brethren, that not many wise according to the flesh, not many mighty, not many noble, are called. 27 But God has chosen the foolish things of the world to put to shame the wise, and God has chosen the weak things of the world to put to shame the things which are mighty; 28 and the base things of the world and the things which are despised God has chosen, and the things which are not, to bring to nothing the things that are, 29 that no flesh should glory in His presence. 30 But of Him you are in Christ Jesus, who became for us wisdom from God—and righteousness and sanctification and redemption— 31 that, as it is written, “He who glories, let him glory in the LORD.”[c]

so we shouldn’t compare. we should just work harder, and do our best. God will do the rest.

and Proverbs 8:28 it says “and we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.”
“all things” here refer to bad or good circumstances that anyone will face.

i’m reading a memoir by joni eareckson tada and she is an amazing lady who chose not to give up despite the fact that God allowed her to be paralyzed from the neck down in a diving mishap. many would have given up with life if they were in her shoes and didn’t have God to live for. but she recognized that through every situation, God would mean it for a good purpose. she wrote many devotionals and raised funds and did many things for God.
likewise, pastor mitch shared about the 9/11 incident. man meant it for evil. yeah, they brought the twin towers to shambles but the incident brought people closer to God. bibles were sold, churches were saturated with huge congregations. God meant it for good.
and it is really special that way. i never noticed it before. it never crossed my mind, nor did it occur to me that God will somehow turn a bad thing upside down for a positive purpose.
it’s hard to find a God who cares for us in this weird but special way.

so I have to learn to continue loving God. and increase this love for Him.
and trust God more with reference to my life. despite not getting what i was aiming for this year.
casting aside negative emotions that will only suck me backwards into the supermassive black hole.
allowing God to flip me around, so i’ll be well cooked, on both sides, like a yummy pancake.

from now on, i’m going to face problems in life with a different perspective. one that might not be conventional. one that might face discrimination, even from the apparently wise.
but i’m going to do it anyway because God’s way is right.

corcskrew

lost the urge to type
started sketching and taking lots of photos
thinking of buying midnight blue paint for my wall
just one side

in case i change my favourite colour

i have mk ultra on repeat,
when huiyu and i went into hmv they played it for us
matt DOM and chris should be so proud of their two gawking teenage girl fans
._.

you know when people talk about wonderful experiences they have with their friends, I would recall the day when I went to the zoo with athalie. She is an amazing girl who has a genuine heart for people, and animals.
when the whole world takes pride in the academically powerful, intellectual and those who possess an unending list of qualifications,
it is time to turn your head around and observe those who choose not to focus on these material, measurable successes.

sometimes it is more fruitful to live life with this different purpose that will change your outlook towards your existence. in general, i am talking about EQ, not IQ.
not that i’m putting down IQ. IQ has its own goodness, and mentioning it would be unnecessary since the benefits of being smart has long since been ingrained in our minds.
it is natural to ignore EQ, mainly because it is intangible.
in other words, it’s kinda hard to see why it’s important.
but it is.

it’s so nice to be happy, sha la la